I wonder how many times the phrase “how was your summer?” is asked in the first week back at school. Dozens, if not hundreds, I’m sure. It is the common and colloquial way to greet students and welcome them back for another school year. Classroom activities, icebreakers, and getting to know you games typically revolve around these questions, or variations such as “What was a highlight of your summer?” or “What is one super cool thing you want to share with the class from your summer?”
Something we sometimes forget is that some students have terrible summers. Some students have no highlights, and not a single positive experience to share. Being asked the dreaded summer question may make them feel like they are alone in the fact that they don’t have anything to celebrate, or that there is something wrong with them that they didn’t have an amazing summer experience.
There are many reasons that a student may have a less than stellar summer. Some students may live in conflict-ridden homes with toxic families, and may have endured trauma, abuse, neglect, or a major loss or transition. They may have spent all summer in their room or wandering the streets alone, trying to avoid the conflict and family members they do not get along with.
Some students do not have the means to have memorable summer experiences. They may have parents working multiple jobs outside of the home, and may be expected to watch over younger siblings. They may be stuck at home with no financial means to go on fun vacations or engage in fun activities.
Some students do not have social connections or friends that they can rely on for some summer fun. They may struggle with social connection year round, or struggle to connect with friends and acquaintances outside of the school environment. Clubs, sports, or oth
er activities that provided them with regular social interactions go on hiatus.
Some students’ mental health suffers, not having access to the supports that are available to them at school, or perhaps having therapists that take long breaks over the summer or have inconsistent availability. The lack of structure and routine over the summer can make it more difficult for students to engage in their typical self-care activities and can make them feel unbalanced.
These students are faced with a tough decision when asked this question. Should they be honest and tell people their summer sucked, when everyone around them is recounting their happy memories? Should they just lie and say it was awesome, even though it wasn’t? Should they just avoid the question all together and ditch class, or ask to go to the bathroom during the icebreaker activity, or refuse to turn in the summer reflection essay? Regardless, their summer experience is valid and we need to recognize that and find ways to make these students feel supported.
We can honor all students’ experiences by reframing the way we check in on everyone’s summers. Here are some alternative ways to check in on students at the beginning of the year:
Ask that any summer reflection happen in writing, so students do not have to feel embarrassed or ashamed to share their stories in front of the class, and there is no room for comparison of different summer experiences.
Provide options. Perhaps “how was your summer” can be one option in a menu of getting to know you questions, and there can be plenty of other options for students to choose from that might feel safer. Let students decide what they want to share and how personal they want to get.
Don’t talk about summer at all! Yes, it’s true, there is no requirement that one must ask about a student’s summer experience. It’s okay to talk about other things, to get to know students around other topics and experiences.
Be forward facing. While reflection and sharing of past experiences is natural, and has its place, you may also want to adopt a forward looking approach when working with students. Ask them what their goals are for the year, what they hope to learn most, and anything they may be looking forward to. It can be a relief for them to not have to talk about past experiences, and it can naturally instill a sense of hope and drive to look towards the future, and imagine a future that is better than what they’ve been experiencing. Since it is also rooted in hope and wonder, it can lift students out of a difficult situation to imagine something different for themselves.
There are many ways to connect with students and get to know them, and we may want to consider being more sensitive to the fact that some students may not have had a great summer experience. We can validate their experience and give them other ways to express themselves and get to know their communities.
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