If you visit any parenting forum or social media platform in which the topic of screen time and tech use for kids and teens has been broached, better get your popcorn ready. You are in for a drama sesh that would rival a Real Housewives episode.
You’ll find every perspective under the sun represented, anywhere from “screen time is good for kids, it teaches them social skills and is educational” to “screen time is killing our youth and should be banned,” and each person defending their position like they are defending their personal honor. Some may try to “respectfully disagree,” and others may not hold any punches.
The debate over screen time and tech use among children and teenagers is more heated than ever. It's a complex issue that elicits passionate responses from all sides. Engaging in the conversation can feel scary due to the amount of judgment that can be passed by other parents. Seeing so many different perspectives represented can also cause you to question your take on the matter and the choices you have made as a parent, and make it feel impossible to know what’s “right.”
Why is it so hard as a parent to know what to do about screen time? Why is it so hard to feel confident about your choices? And why do people throw social decorum and basic respect out the window when they engage in discussions about their choices?
The fact of the matter is that parents are in uncharted territory. The millennial generation is the first to raise children within the rapidly developing landscape of technology use. And there is zero instruction manual for how to raise kids in this intense period of technological advancement. Everyone is making it up as they go, and trying to field a barrage of ever changing expert opinions on the matter.
As with anything these days, it can be hard to filter through the vast amount of “expert” opinions and scientific studies regarding the benefits and harms of screen time. You can usually find some kind of article or study that will confirm any side of the debate. A basic google search will turn up many conflicting opinions and arguments. Because there is no one “right” answer, we can get lost and struggle to find a solid ground on which to stand.
We can also find ourselves susceptible to confirmation bias. This is when we look for information confirming an already held belief or opinion. Meaning, if we are leaning towards a pro-screen time perspective, as we filter through the information we come across, we will focus on the information we find that confirms this perspective, and are likely to ignore or discount the information that goes against it (and vice versa with any other perspectives.) This then cements our stance and leaves us more closed off to other opinions than ever.
As with anything, it is important to keep an open mind and be open to adjusting your mindset. It can be uncomfortable acknowledging that perhaps you’ve been wrong about something, or didn’t make the “right” choice - and this is why people dig their heels in so firmly on their opinions and can get so feisty when their choices are challenged. People will go to great lengths to avoid the discomfort of feeling like they were wrong about something.
It’s okay to lean into the discomfort. It’s okay to learn new information, and adjust your mindset and actions accordingly. It’s okay to not be perfect and make all the right decisions all the time. It’s okay to know that you and your family are unique, and have unique needs, that you know your family best, and that no one else’s opinions can change that. It’s okay to be okay with other people doing things differently.
One lesson that can be hard for a lot of people to learn is that other people having a different opinion, or making different choices, doesn’t make yours inherently wrong or bad. Many people take seeing a different perspective as a judgment; that if someone else is doing something differently, they are passing a judgment on your belief system. This is not usually the case, and even it is - so what? Your job as a parent is to do what you feel is best for your child(ren) and family at that moment based on what you know at the time.
As with anything these days, it’s important to be a savvy consumer of information, and know that you can’t always take everything you hear or read at face value. Learn how to critically examine articles and scientific studies. Learn to look past click-bait and sensationalist headlines. Learn how to synthesize this information and figure out how it fits (or doesn’t fit) into your family. And, most importantly, learn to disengage from constant online debates, because all it will do is spike your blood pressure. There is no reason to believe that the random people on the mommy blog comments section know anything more than you do.
Parenting is hard. Period. Whether it’s screen time or potty training, feeding or learning, parents want to always feel like they are doing right by their children and families. The immense amount of stress and pressure parents put on themselves to do their best is unparalleled, and oftentimes, insurmountable. Take a breath. Know you are doing the best you can. And know you are armed with the tools you need to filter through the information available to you to make the best decisions for you and your family. And, for the love of god, do not engage in the online debate. Put the phone/computer/tablet down and go give your kids a big hug.
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